


A Boy Can Dream

by girly1393



Series: You're Not Alone [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Content, Swearing, abuse mention, crude language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-03 23:50:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14007537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girly1393/pseuds/girly1393
Summary: "Mum, Dad," I say, squeezing her hand, "this is Lily."For a moment, no one else says anything, but Mum is smiling, like she's trying to piece her thoughts together. I imagine for Lily, this is like waiting for hell to finish freezing over."Lily," she says softly, bouncing the name on her tongue. She reaches out for Lily's hand, but stops, probably remembering what I told her. "It's wonderful to finally meet you."Lily, surprising me, closes the distance between her hand and Mum's. "You too, Mrs. Potter."





	A Boy Can Dream

**Author's Note:**

> This is a work of fiction, placed some months after the second installment. It references abuse, as described earlier in the series, and, as before, Lily has PTSD, and although it is never named, some of her symptoms appear here.
> 
> It also includes some explicit sexual content. I purposefully use as much anatomically correct language as possible. 
> 
> If you are sensitive to any of these topics, I ask that you please refrain from reading.
> 
> If you are continuing on, I thank you and wish you the best. Despite the serious topics included, this story includes plenty of light-hearted moments.

When it comes to my birthday, I'm still about seven years old.

 

I love presents and parties and spending the whole morning in your pajamas, just to emerge, dressed to the nines, for a spectacular entrance. I love having a whole day where the people around me are thinking about me, sending me good thoughts and best wishes. I love the excitement.

 

Last year, instead of getting me any regular gifts, Remus, Sirius, and Peter got all of the suits of armor and statues to sing happy birthday whenever I walked by, and they convinced all the portraits to follow me around and applaud everything I did, even if it was just dipping my quill in ink.

 

The year before, they threw a huge party in the common room, not our first but certainly our biggest of the year.

 

This year, though, oh this year. Instead of all of that, instead of the big party or the singing armor, I got lucky: my birthday falls on a Hogsmeade weekend, and I've invited my parents to meet Lily.

 

Now, you might think that this is a strange turn of events. I mean, why would I want my birthday to be about my girlfriend meeting my parents?

 

Well, I love my parents. I know most people do, but I'm an only child, and my parents weren't so young when they had me. For wizards, they had me pretty late in life. So they doted on me. Yeah, that made me a bit of a spoiled shit when I was younger, but it's also helped me to build an incredible relationship with them.

 

I've shared almost everything with them, from my triumphs to my massive failures. About the only thing I'll never tell them is becoming an Animagus for Remus. But even then, they know about Remus's furry little problem and that we do what we can for him. Other than that, I've never kept secrets from them.

 

I just can't imagine a life where Lily and my parents don't get along. And the only way to change that is for them to meet.

 

She, understandably, is absolutely freaking out about it, in the not-so-great way.

 

It may or may not have something to do with the fact that I only told her just now, about 24 hours ahead of time.

 

I mean, some things are better as surprises. Right?

 

"James, this is absolutely ridiculous!"

 

"It's just lunch!"

 

"Yes, lunch. With your parents. Who have heard about the hexes I placed on you. Who know I've insulted you. Who know that I once told you I'd rather date the giant squid!"

 

"In my defense, I would never have told them those things," I tell her, holding my hands up. "Sirius thought they made great stories. And I mean, they do. My parents thought they were funny."

 

"And now," she continues, talking as though I hadn't said anything, "they're going to meet that girl. They're going to have these ideas of me as some sort of vicious person, and, I mean, how do I even show them I'm not? How do I convince them that your idiocy would make anyone act irrationally?"

 

I chuckle. "Oh, they know," I say quietly. She, plowing through this train of thought, doesn't hear me.

 

"You don't understand, James," she says for the fourth time. "I'm not who I was, but the only things they've heard about me were the bad things."

 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I interrupt, reaching out for her hands to grab her attention. "Lily, Lily, listen."

 

She stops and looks at me. Her breathing is heavy now, her face and neck slightly red from the emotion. Her hair is even a little disheveled from the times she ran her fingers through it in frustration.

 

Hot damn.

 

"What?" It's an angry hiss of air, punctuated by her crossing her arms roughly.

 

Oh, fuck. Focus, James.

 

"Lily," I try again. "Yes, it's true, they know those stories. But they know plenty of other good ones, too. I've been talking about you for more years that I would like to admit. I'm not saying I've fancied you all along or any other creepy shit, but you infuriated and challenged me during our first year. And second year, you got the entire year to jinx me whenever I said Snivellus, remember? You are passionate, wicked smart, a force to reckon with, and absolutely hilarious, and you always have been. I've told all of those stories, too, the ones where you pushed me to be better."

 

She's quiet for a minute and then murmurs, "Not the whole year. Your friends wouldn't do it."

 

I laugh and the sound brings a slight smile to her face. "Oh, they did, just not when you were around. Sirius especially found it hilarious, but he couldn't give you the satisfaction. He was also afraid you'd turn the year around on him as well, if he drew your attention to himself."

 

The expression on her face lightens for a moment, but she sighs again. "I'm just nervous, James. They already have this person in their minds. What if I don't compare to her?"

 

"That's where you couldn't be more wrong, love," I tell her, brushing her bangs aside. "You will outshine her."

 

She sighs again, then takes a deep breath before blowing it out, the air ruffling her bangs again. She looks up at me. "All right."

 

I grin.

 

"But I'm telling you now," she says sternly, pointing her finger at me, "if everything goes to shit, I'm telling them it's all your fault."

 

"They'll easily believe that," I tell her, and laugh. She smiles back at me and then looks up at the clock. "Is it time for class again?"

 

"Unfortunately, yes." She leans over and foists her bag back onto her shoulder, removing it from its perch under a particularly sleepy portrait.

 

I'm always impressed how this portrait can sleep through anything, from yelling to fires to other people crowding into his frame. 

 

We trudge onward to our last class of the day, her favorite: Potions. Me, I'm just happy to sit next to her the whole time. I mean, I know I'm clever, and I'm good at Potions, but Lily is an unstoppable force of nature.

 

She also has this pesky habit of sitting up front.

 

Personally, I think she's still trying to make up for asking Slughorn about the next class's lesson when she feels overwhelmed, but she also gets this cute look on her face right before class begins, all earnestness and concentration.

 

Okay, so maybe she just likes Potions.

 

While Slughorn is explaining the finer points of this lesson's work, I'm too busy daydreaming about tomorrow. What's she going to do for me? Have my friends told her how important my birthday is? I didn't want to do it, because I didn't want to come off as arrogant or entitled (been there), but I am also the type of man who needs more than just a present and some cake. I need _attention_.

 

I'm picturing a scrapbook filled with pictures of me playing Quidditch when Lily taps my hand. I look at her, and she gestures to the board.

 

I spend most of the rest of the day like this, having Lily remind me of what's going on. It leads to near disaster in Potions—without her quick thinking by Vanishing the whole potion, there would've been an explosion in my cauldron—but mostly, it leads me to feeling like I'm walking on air. I'm so excited my parents're coming to visit.

 

Lily and I say goodnight earlier than normal. I know she's nervous and wants some time to herself before I climb up to help her sleep, and I know I can't be very good company with my focus on the good, instead of what might be the awkward for her.

 

I surprise myself by actually completing some homework while I wait for the other students to disappear up to bed. When it's only a few third year boys, I make sure they're not watching as I nonverbally cast the spell and slip up the stairs. 

 

Normally, I'd wait for them, but it looks like they're struggling with Divination homework, and I can't wait until dawn for them to figure out how best to fake it.

 

When I slide in beside her, she's more asleep than I expected. Instead of holding her close, I kiss her softly on the forehead and stay on the edge of the bedding, waiting to see if she needs me, or if this is enough. When it is, I find my way to my own bed.

 

In the morning, I'm bouncing with energy. I meet Lily in the common room, instead of straggling in after her, and she's surprised to see my smiling face at the bottom of her stairs. She wishes me a happy birthday with a simple kiss, but I know she's got a present for me later, having informed me she intended to wait until after dinner to give it to me, so I accept this graciously.

 

"Shall we?" she asks, gesturing to the portrait hole, and we go to breakfast. When that's over, I basically drag her to the common room to get our cloaks. I am desperate to head out.

 

Padfoot, Moony, and Worm walk with us, but even they're unable to keep up with my unusually energetic stream of conscious excitement. I bound ahead a little and leave them to shake their heads fondly after me, wondering why I'm capable of mustering this much energy on my birthday but not when we have Transfiguration in the mornings.

 

Sirius, Remus, and Worm head to Zonko's after we arrive in the village. Lily and I, though, we stay behind.

 

We wait just outside The Three Broomsticks, standing close together for warmth. Lily keeps looking anxiously up and down the street, like she expects my parents to jump out and yell, "Boo!" Conversely, I bounce on the balls of my feet, watching over her head for a glimpse of them.

 

There's a small pop down the street and I can't help it, I run to it. My parents! They're here!

 

I'm going to look like a huge idiot if it's somebody else.

 

Mum is brushing off her coat while Dad takes a look around. His face breaks into a huge smile when he spots me. "James, m'boy!"

 

They're hugging me and I'm laughing, so glad to see them. It's hard to be away from them now, knowing how those Death Eaters are attacking wizarding families for disagreeing with them. And, I mean, my parents gave me a normal name, they're not about to sign up for Muggle hunting.

 

When Dad releases me, I see him looking over my shoulder. I turn back to Lily and reach out to her. She takes it and steps forward, looking incredibly terrified.

 

"Mum, Dad," I say, squeezing her hand, "this is Lily."

 

For a moment, no one else says anything, but Mum is smiling, like she's trying to piece her thoughts together. I imagine for Lily, this is like waiting for hell to finish freezing over.

 

"Lily," she says softly, bouncing the name on her tongue. She reaches out for Lily's hand, but stops, probably remembering what I told her. "It's wonderful to finally meet you."

 

Lily, surprising me, closes the distance between her hand and Mum's. "You too, Mrs. Potter."

 

And she thought this was going to be a ball of firewhiskey-soaked Devil's Snare. Ha.

 

"Shall we go inside?" Dad asks, gesturing back down the street to the pub. We start walking that way, and I'm just floored that they're here. They came to Hogwarts one time, back in third year, when I accidentally set a few tapestries on fire.

 

Honestly, I didn't know Hogwarts would send for your parents if you caused that much trouble. Although, Dumbledore didn't call them when Sirius did the stupid thing with Snape and Remus…

 

In retrospect, the fires were probably not their reason for coming to school.

 

"…see the house, of course," Mum is saying, talking a million words a minute. Lily, naturally, is nodding along with a look of deep set despair on her face. Mum doesn't seem to notice this. "Right, James?"

 

"Hm?"

 

Dad laughs. "Lily ought to come stay with us when school is over, is what your mother said."

 

"Oh," I reply. I take in Lily's expression again. "Oh! Well, Mum, Dad, now isn't the time to talk about that. You just met her, after all!"

 

They look a little confused, but do what they do best and continue the conversation without a hitch. "So, Lily, where are you from?"

 

As per her wishes, I didn't tell my parents any of her history with Corvus; however, to stop Mum from hugging Lily the second they met, I did tell her that Lily has a thing about being touched. Mum, being Mum, didn't inquire any further, but I know now that it'll come back up soon. We've officially reached an amount of Lily's "quirks" that my mum is going to be unbearably curious. I'll have to watch for it and do my best to head her off.

 

She tells my parents the usual stuff as they ask: she has a sister, her dad's in advertising, her mum's gone—"Oh, you poor dear," from my mum—but I can see the strain. Small talk is not her thing.

 

I'm looking back and forth between Lily and my parents, trying to think of a good topic for conversation but coming up blank, when we get to the pub. My dad strides right up to the bar to order drinks for us, but I squeeze Lily's arm and quickly chase after him.

 

"Wait, Dad," I call, hoping to catch him before he gets Madam Rosemerta's attention. "Dad!"

 

"Jamie, m'boy?"

 

"Lily doesn't drink butterbeer," I say, getting the words out quickly, hoping he doesn't ask any questions. "She'll just want a pumpkin juice."

 

Dad's eyebrows crease, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he asks me to give him a hand as we wait for Madam Rosemerta to return with the order.

 

Because it's a Hogsmeade weekend, it takes significantly longer than any other Saturday, which of course I don't know because I've never been here when not sanctioned by the school. But we do get our drinks, and I carry mine and Lily's to the table they've found while Dad tries to balance his and Mum's as the crowd jostles us. I think he forgot how rowdy it can be, his school days being so long ago.

 

When we arrive back at the table, Mum and Lily are engaged in a conversation about something that seems to interest both of them deeply. I can't see Mum's face from this direction, but Lily's eyes are wide and she's smiling and nodding along. It feels like I'm looking at a completely different person from five minutes ago.

 

"Oh, James!" Lily exclaims, scooting over to make room for me at the table. She happily takes the mug from my outstretched hand and takes a sip. "Did you know your mother applied to be a curse breaker when she got out of school?"

 

I blink in surprise at Mum. "No, I don't think so," I reply, balancing my butterbeer between my hands.

 

"Oh, I've mentioned it before, I'm sure, dear," Mum says assuringly, "but _you_ never told me about Lily's aspirations!"

 

Lily is positively beaming, and my dad notices it, too. He gives me a smile and a wink, his discrete way of telling me he thinks everything is fine.

 

"You'd think," he says, jumping in to the conversation, "that with everything you've told us over the years, you might have mentioned it." He chuckles a little, and Lily goes red around her exposed ear, the pink spreading like highlighting on her cheeks. 

 

"Dad!" I groan.

 

"Oh, sorry, dear girl, I forget sometimes that I'm not supposed to acknowledge everything we've been told." He winks at her. "But truthfully, I think our boy here spent so many words trying to describe you because he couldn't find the right ones."

 

Neither of us know what to say to that, but luckily, one of Rosemerta's weekend servers comes over to ask us about food.

 

"Now, as I was saying," Mum continues when the server leaves, as if nothing awkward had happened, "I ultimately decided not to finish my training, but I'm sure I still know one or two people in the department who could sit down with you and tell you all about the process."

 

Mum, always networking, even with my girlfriend. Honestly, being a rich man's wife was probably the best thing she could have ever been, because she spreads her benevolence to everyone she meets and ends up getting lots of people to "sit down with" someone. She uses her powers for good.

 

Dad, though, he mostly just hates paperwork. I get that from him.

 

"Professor Slughorn has written me a letter of introduction to the Head of the department," Lily explains, "but I'd love to have some more insight into what the training would require. I've been worried about that a lot."

 

This surprises me, as she's kept away from talking about her curse breaker dreams since Corvus, but I decide not to interrupt, instead taking a long drink from my butterbeer.

 

"I'm sure Rodriguez is still there," Mum says, mostly to herself. More loudly, she tells Lily, "I'll send an owl when we get home tonight." Lily rushes to assure her there's no rush, no need to trouble herself, but Mum quickly silences her. "No time like the present, dear girl."

 

There's a sad smile around Mum's mouth, and I see again how gray her hair has gotten, how full of wrinkles her smile is now. She is lovely, the most beautiful mother in the world, but she's not young anymore.

 

I push it from my mind as Dad turns to me, and I know we're about to cross into a potential war zone. "So, son, what are your post-Hogwarts plans? It looks like Lily here will be supporting you!" The joke edges on territory Lily and I haven't talked about.

 

"You know what I want to do," I reply, trying to dodge his question and revert the conversation to its light charm from a few minutes ago. I sneak a glance at Lily, who also knows and isn't sure what she thinks.

 

"Yes, yes, you want to fight the evil in the world," my dad replies. "But, James, that can't be all you do. It's noble, it's worthy, it's brave, it's so very Gryffindor, but unless you're going to live at home with your mother and me, you'll need a job."

 

This isn't a conversation I wanted to have on my birthday. Luckily for me, our food arrives at that moment, giving me some time to think of a response.

 

"Well, I'll work in the Ministry then," I tell him. "There's got to be a need for people to do all of the paperwork."

 

Mum chokes a little on her lunch.

 

Even Lily echos this sentiment, although in words instead of deed. "You? _Paperwork_? If that isn't the most un-James Potter thing I've ever heard you say, I'll eat your dad's hat!"

 

They're right, of course, but I hadn't stopped to think much about money. Even now, I'm not worried; I'll figure it out later, when I'm able to see what's really happening and understand what I can really do about it.

 

Mum, noticing we're in dangerous territory, steers us back into safe waters by asking Lily more about her schoolwork and how she got interested in curse breaking. I watch them, happy to see what seems to be organic conversation taking place, and my dad and I start talking instead about the current Quidditch season happening both at Hogwarts and in Britain.

 

After lunch, we wander from shop to shop, easy conversation flowing between us about what we see. When we enter Honeydukes, Lily sneaks off, hopefully to buy some chocolate frogs she'll ultimately share with me. Those are my favorite. 

 

Mum buys me a small box of them, and when I try to convince her to get me the larger box, she just shakes her head and reminds me that eating only chocolate isn't good for my health. Mothers. She does, however, relent to my begging in Zonko's and agrees my birthday present can include an assortment of the latest tricks they have in stock.

 

Mum and Dad adjust quickly to Lily's desire to not be touched, although she doesn't shy away in Gladrags when Mum touches Lily's arm to show her a set of purple dress robes. This makes Mum extremely happy, while I know she probably would have purchased them for her anyway, Mum insists right then to buy them for Lily as a belated birthday present. Lily, deeply in love with the color purple, tries to resist, but her arguments are quickly torn to shreds by my mother. Eventually, she relents, and then Mum really gets to work. By the time we leave the shop, I have some new socks, and Lily has dress robes, two necklaces, a pair of earrings, several belts and scarves, and a pair of shoes. 

 

Dad and I aren't sure how it happened, exactly.

 

Lily looks like she's also deeply puzzled with the events that transpired in the robes shop. When we step back onto the street, she looks absolutely speechless.

 

Despite this outpouring of generosity on my mum's part, Lily manages to resist when she buys a new quill in Scrivenshaft's, insisting it's only a quill and besides, it's part of the school money her dad gave her.

 

I'm surprised by how quickly the afternoon passes. We only briefly stop in other shops, spending the day mostly walking around, lightly talking, but Mum and Lily seem to form a bond even I'm a little jealous of, simply by talking about shoes, curses, and why wizards use owls instead of Muggle mail. 

 

This gives me plenty of time to examine my parents, though. I'm surprised by how worried I am about them. The worry about their health, their age, their status as Death Eater targets is always prickling at the back of my head, but seeing them in a different setting, it seems to create a sharper contrast than I'm used to. And suddenly, they seem very old, very fragile, and very, very vulnerable.

 

Again, I try not to dwell too much on it. Today's a good day, a fun day, and there will be time later to talk about that with them.

 

Sirius, Remus, and Peter catch up with us for dinner as planned, and Mum practically picks Sirius off the ground as she hugs him.

 

"Oh, you dear, silly boy, you simply _must_ come around for dinner more often!"

 

"Mrs. Potter, I'm still in school," he reminds her, laughing. "I can't leave Hogwarts whenever I want to, even if your cooking _is_ involved."

 

He and I purposefully do not exchange glances as he says this.

 

Again crowded around a table in The Three Broomsticks (food options are short in Hogsmeade), food mostly eaten, I move my chair a little closer to Lily's, and she looks up to smile at me.

 

I lean in and whisper, "You okay?"

 

She replies with a wide smile, "Perfect, James."

 

It's the best gift she could have given to me, her comfort and contentment here, with all of the other important people in my life. Well, most of them. Peter seems to have disappeared for a moment.

It's then, of course, that Padfoot decides he is completely incapable of _not_ telling my parents what will likely be a deeply embarrassing story about Lily and me. I try to cut him off, but a combination of the four damn butterbeers he's had and my mum shushing me leads me to sitting quietly, hoping to not end up looking like a lout after all of this.

 

"I know I've told you some pretty fantastic Lily stories," he starts again, and I notice that Lily starts to turn pink again. I'm not sure I've seen her blush so much in one night in months. "But have I got the best one ever for you tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Potter: the day Lily Evans realized James Potter was actually worth her time."

 

She starts laughing, her reaction not what I was expecting.

 

"Lily?" Remus asks, looking a little worried.

 

"Oh, oh no!" she says, still laughing. "Sirius, you can't tell them this! You promised you'd keep your damn mouth shut!"

 

At this, I'm deeply intrigued now, and I can see that Remus, Peter (having returned at some point), and my parents are, too. 

 

"Do go on," I say, leaning in and propping my elbows up on the table.

 

"Sirius Black? Has a secret? Of Lily's? And he _kept it_?" Pete says incredulously, echoing what most of us are thinking. I mean, it's not like they're the best of friends, and if this secret comes from before we were together, then I'm definitely surprised she confided it in him, instead of Dorcas and Marlene. And Sirius is well known amongst our fellow seventh year Gryffindors to be a bit of a blabbermouth.

 

Padfoot pauses, looking at Lily, whose sigh is obscured by her continued laughter. "Oh, all right! But try not to make me look as horrible as I must have!"

 

Padfoot takes a deep breath, entering the "storyteller mode" of which he's very proud. Honestly, it's just him talking with a posher voice and saying the word "quite" a lot, but whatever.

 

"So, it's the end of our sixth year, and the hero of our story happens to find himself in the library, of all places. Lily has taken to hiding from, well, everyone, for reasons that are known to all."

 

"No," my dad says, in typical Dad format, a bit of confusion in his voice. 

 

There's a pause.

 

"No," I repeat. Lily tenses beside me. I'm warning Sirius now. If this is where he's going, then we need to stop the story now. But Lily interrupts whatever I was going to say next by placing a hand on my upper arm.

 

"No," she now says. "It's time."

 

"Okay, to be fair, you've known them for only like, six hours," I tell her.

 

"That's not what I mean," she tells me. "It's time to stop hiding behind it."

 

Lily turns to my mum and dad, who both look deeply confused. She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and then begins to repeat words I've heard so many times, both out loud and reverberating in my own head, I could inscribe them into stone in my sleep.

 

"During our sixth year, I dated an older student, who did his very best to convince me he was kind, honest, and good, that he loved me, but who truthfully wanted to best me and control me. He did and said a lot of terrible things, things I'll spare you, but it ended very badly and has resulted in a lot of personal difficulties, both emotionally and academically."

 

Actually, that's not what I thought she was going to say. This sounds a little less like diving over open wounds to reach the other side before drowning and instead picking around the words that haven't healed yet while giving away the ones that have. I wonder if she'd been preparing to say something today all along and had been only looking for a good place to do so.

 

She goes on, "It's why I don't like to be touched, especially by people I don't know, and it's why I have a hard time making small talk." My mum and dad look a little dumbstruck, but she doesn't seem to be perturbed by this. "I felt that, since it impacted our first meeting, it was important you understood that these things were not personal to you, and are instead things I'm actively dealing with."

 

Without breaking pace, Lily turns back to Siris and nods at him to continue. Sirius, still being in "storyteller mode", continues like no one interrupted.

 

"On this day, she was without her trusty sidekicks, Marlene and Dorcas, and seemed deeply startled when I sat down next to her. Then, she got very angry. She berated me, with her quick wit and sharp tongue, for disturbing her work time and for sitting down unannounced.

 

"I, of course, didn't listen to a word she said. I mean, she was more bark than bite at this point. While it was a ferocious bark," he says, patting her hand gently, "it didn't live up to the Year of the Giant Squid, as it is forever known. I had simply wondered whether she might happen to have Potions notes, but she glared deeply at me, the hatred burning in her soul, until it stopped.

 

"She sighed then, and gave them to me without complaint. She had no idea that actually I was on a covert reconnaissance mission, privy to only three of four comrades in our dormitory, trying to determine what was up with her ex and whether she had other prospects. This, you can understand, was not at all how I intended the conversation to go." He looks very seriously at her, as if even now he still wonders what happened in that moment for her to stop fighting him. The hatred part is definitely exaggerated, but it seems like even now, he's as troubled as I am by our lack of understanding of what had really happened at the time.

 

"'Whoa, Lil,' I said to her then, 'what's with just handing over your notes? You guard them with your life!' And she told me that notes were not worth a life, that not much really was. Then, we both heard laughter in the library. I recognized it as James, and wondered how on Earth he happened to actually be working on homework when I was here, doing his dirty work for him without his knowledge.

 

"But I also noticed something unusual: there was a spark. Normally, to those of us who know all of the many, many creative insults and hexes Lily has thrown at James in the past—" Lily interrupts him quietly here, saying that we don't know them all. I laugh, trying to cover it up when Sirius glances at me in irritation. "—this spark would indicate that some sort of enjoyable spectacle was about to unleashed in the poor, unsuspecting library.

 

"But it was quite different that day. It wasn't the spark of anger, of an old disagreement or a new fight coming to life. It was a spark of hope. And I noticed.

 

"Yes, that's right," Sirius insists to Remus, Peter, and me, who are all howling with laughter. Sirius, notice a spark of _anything_ not related to mischief? Not even remotely likely!

 

"Well, I did," he says again, and then gathers himself and continues the story. "Lily was quick to deny it, of course, but I'd seen it. And I'd also seen the hopelessness right before that. And apparently all it took was a little pushing and suddenly, yelling it quite violently at me, too, Lily confesses something quite surprising to me."

 

He purposefully pauses, but we all know what's coming, based on what's happened since.

 

"'Yes, fine,' she yells, 'I fancy James Potter! There, you've found out the big secret, now leave me alone!' And you might think that at first, she's trying to lure me off track by angrily giving me this information, which might usually have worked, I admit. However, the way she slumps down into her chair after this outburst, I realize she's serious. Well, I'm Sirius of course, but she meant what she said." No one laughs. He picks up again, pretending he didn't want us to laugh.

 

"'Red,' I tell her, reminding her of all the fond times I've used the nickname to get her to understand I'm not being mean or poking fun at her, 'it's okay. I mean, it's okay to like James.' I expect this to lead to another tongue-lashing, but instead, she shakes her head. 'No, Sirius, it's not,' she tells me, her face dark. 'There's a whole hell of a lot wrong with me, and he doesn't deserve a moment of dealing with it.'"

 

While these might not have been her exact words, I still squeeze her hand for a moment in mine, reminding her again that I'm still here, and I'm absolutely willing to deal with every single damn moment of whatever she thinks might be wrong with her, even if I disagree with her assessments on what's right and wrong.

 

"We talk a little more, and while she doesn't admit to what convinces her she really isn't worth his time, considering all of the time he's devoted to, you know, staring at her, talking about her, talking to her, fighting with her, fighting about her, fighting for her, and just generally being obsessed with her, she says the one thing that set all of this in motion. She said to me, 'If I wasn't so broken, I think I'd give him a go.'"

 

I'm sure Sirius has more to say, but Remus is now laughing, which drags Peter into it, and at the look on Lily's face—shock, embarrassment, a little outrage—I laugh, too. Suddenly, my mum and dad are in on it, as well, and then the table is in an uproar. I'm not sure exactly what's funny to each of them, but the look on her face, the knowledge she'd actually recognized those feelings months before anything happened, and the memory of the day she admitted to fancying me before the Patronus incident, that keeps me laughing for a while. I can't imagine how all of this worked together to bring us here. Or what my friends had done to make it happen.

 

When we've calmed down, my mum asks Lily, "After all of that, what changed your mind? I mean, we've been told about some fairly…tense situations that resulted in our son no longer resembling a human being, and yet, you're here…"

 

"Oh," Lily says, laughing lightly, "I started to wonder if it might be him for me, after all."

 

Remus leans in to Sirius then, laughing, and when Sirius looks up from his drink, Remus brushes the hair out of Sirius' eyes. 

 

They must both be pretty far gone. I hadn't noticed them drinking that much.

 

Mum and Dad also look at each other, smiles on their faces, and he says, "I seem to remember a similar reluctance on my part, but there's something about them, isn't there?"

 

"Something that simultaneously drives you crazy and becomes as important as breathing," she agrees, laughing again.

 

Mum and Dad seem to reach an agreement then. They've always been very good at that, being able to make decisions simply by looking at each other. It's a trait I admire and hope very much to learn to replicate with Lily.

 

"We best be getting home, James," Dad says. "We're not getting any younger, but you five are still young enough to enjoy the night. Just, get back to the castle at a decent hour, yeah?"

 

I laugh, surprised he said such a thing, but my mum and dad have never been ones to hide away from the truth about their own son, and their son is a troublemaker and rule breaker.

 

Dad heads back to the bar to pay for our food, and Mum reaches out to each of my friends in turn. "You are always welcome in our home, all of you," she says softly but seriously, and it seems that they truly believe her.

 

We walk out of the pub and onto the street, just a short way down from where they Apparated only a few hours ago. Sirius, Moony, and Pete hang back a little, letting me say my goodbyes. Lily leaves to do so, too, but Mum grabs her hand and brings her, too.

 

The two of them fall behind my dad and me, and he gives me a strong, sure hug. When he leans back to look at me, I see how heavy his eyes are, how deep his sorrow and fear are. I want more than anything for this day to never end, so I can always know that they're safe, so they can know the same of me.

 

"I love you, m'boy," he tells me a little gruffly, always afraid of displaying too much emotion in front of my friends, but I hug him again, grateful to have such a dad.

 

"I love you, too."

 

Mum and Lily come up to us then, and Dad hugs her as Mum wraps her arms securely around me. I hear Dad say something to Lily, but don't hear what it is. 

 

Mum says to me, "You are so lucky, my James, and she is, too. You'll take care of each other, and that's what's really important."

 

"I love you, Mum," I tell the collar of her cloak.

 

"I love you, too, my wonderful, incredible son. Happy birthday."

 

As they step away, waving to us and my friends behind me, I vow to ask Lily what each of my parents' said as soon as possible.

 

I can't help that I'm incurably nosy.

 

Lily waves her goodbyes, shouting after them, but I stick to a small wave for each. It's usually easier for me when goodbyes aren't too big, but a recognition we'll see each other soon.

 

When Mum and Dad have Disapparated back home, my friends turn to Lily and me and smile like there's something they've done to wreak havoc on the night. Instead of leading the way to this mischief, Sirius gives Lily a quick hug and whispers something to her. 

 

Remus reaches out to pat my shoulder and, as Sirius moves away from Lily, says, "We'll let you find your own way back, shall we?" 

 

Peter nods, smiling, too, and then the three of them walk away, taking most of our packages with them as they go. I hope one of those remaining is my present.

 

"I wonder what that was about?"

 

Lily doesn't reply, instead walking back to the Three Broomsticks. I follow, trying to call after her. When we reach the door, she turns around. "Shhh," Lily whispers, putting her finger to her lips. "Rosemerta's doing me a huge favor, don't mess it up."

 

"Sorry," I say sheepishly, and let her lead me along, up a couple of flights of stairs. When we get to the end of a hallway, Lily opens a door. As we walk through it, I see a number on the outside. "Lily, this is a guest room! We can't be in here!"

 

She opens her hand, showing me a key. "Yes, we can."

 

I gape at her.

 

"Happy birthday, James," she says, kissing my cheek softly.

 

"What is this?" I ask, dumbfounded. I look around the room slowly, and there's a basket of my favorite sweets from Honeydukes, a few bottles of butterbeer, and a small bag that looks distinctly like the one from under my bed.

 

"Your present," she says, nudging me gently with her elbow. "Sirius and Remus told me how important your birthday is, and I couldn't think of a better gift than one whole night where no one has to leave."

 

I notice her choice of words, no one, and realize she's also thinking of that night where she slipped down the stairs just before dawn, when Peter would get up and the magic would have been ruined.

 

I hear the click of a lock, and it's only then I understand what this really means.

 

"Lily, what—" To quiet me, she grabs my hand.

 

"Sirius helped me arrange it with Rosemerta. Don't worry, I'm not paying for a thing—the cost is your gift from them. But you and I aren't going back to the castle tonight; we'll find our way back in the bustle after breakfast tomorrow morning, sneaking through that passageway you boys must have been using for years in Honeydukes." She looks proud of herself, having thought this all through. She lowers her eyes from me, looking down at our hands.

 

"And tonight, it's just you and me?"

 

"It's just you and me," she repeats.

 

I'm out of words, and so I reach up to her neck with my free hand and pull her face back up to mine. 

 

"I love you, Lily," I whisper, her breath soft against my lips. "Thank you."

 

In reply, she kisses me back, her earnestness almost pushing me off balance. I laugh and take a step back. We've been here before, but that doesn't mean I want her to think I'm expecting sex as a birthday present. I'm not. The sheer joy of being able to fall asleep and wake up next to her completely uninterrupted would be more than enough. I've yearned for that since September.

 

"So, what exactly is in this basket?" I say lightly, hoping to show her I'm happy and to discover at least one chocolate frog.

 

"No, James," she replies.

 

At first, I don't say anything. I'm still poking around in the basket, looking for my frogs. Then I realize what she said. No?

 

When I turn back around, she's sitting on the bed, her hair already down and her sweater on the floor. Her shoes are where she last stood near me, over by the stand with the basket.

 

I am flabbergasted.

 

"Lily, please," I say, a little desperately if I'm honest, "you don't have to do this."

 

I must be the only damn man to actively try to convince his girlfriend not to have sex in a hotel room, but I feel like I've used my birthday to trick her into this.

 

She reaches out for my hand and I take three strides over to grasp it, focusing on it and not the dazzling woman before me.

 

"James," she repeats. She waits. I look up at her. "James, I want this."

 

It's only when she says it again that I kick off my shoes and climb up next to her.

 

Our first time was mostly awkward, neither of us being entirely sure how the contraception charm worked and both of us trying to navigate each other's bodies while not making ourselves uncomfortable. I tried so hard not to hurt her, and I'm still not sure how well I succeeded. 

 

The next few times were better, less discomfort, more pleasure, but there was also the concern someone would decide to come up to the dormitory. And then the one time someone did, and Lily had to hunker down in my bed. It ended up being glorious, curled around her for almost an entire night, but neither of us slept well, she because of where she was and how little clothing she was wearing, me because I knew her clothes were just outside of my bed. Luckily for me, my part of the room is always a disaster, so no one must have been able to pick out anything unusual.

 

But this time? There's no one to open the door. No one to need our attention. No one to interrupt. And I hadn't realize how freeing a feeling that would be.

 

Her mouth slides along my jaw and down my neck as I remove my glasses, trying to find the table to place them on, her breath hot against my skin and my brain having difficulties focusing. She trails kisses up my neck to under my ear and I let out a small breath.

 

"Li-Lily," I breathe, "my glasses." Without even moving away, she takes them from my hand and I hear the soft clink as they meet the table's surface. Her fingers slide up underneath my sweater, between my shirt and my skin, and the warmth radiating from them surprises me. 

 

I reach up, my hand finding the base of her head and wrapping up in her hair as she continues to kiss my neck. My free hand wanders downward, rubbing the pad of my thumb along the exposed skin of her thigh. As my fingers work inward, she gasps lightly against my jaw and I steal her mouth, kissing her with everything in me.

 

I don't think I've _ever_ had a better birthday.

 

She starts to slowly peel off my sweater, inching it up as she moves her fingers along my chest. When it reaches my face, I pause in my desperation to hear that gasp again and roughly pull it over my head, tossing it aside without ceremony. Her small fingers have already started twisting open my shirt buttons, the ends of her hair trailing after them on my bare skin.

 

I trace my favorite lines along the curves of her, back up and under her shirt, savoring the tiny intakes of breath as I work my way upward.

 

As I'm attempting to unclasp her bra, she expertly undoes my pants with a twitch of her fingers, giving my outstretched arm a small kiss, and then reaches back to guide my hands. Within seconds, the cursed thing falls away and I lean forward to plant tiny kisses along the tops of her breasts, my hands tucked into the small of her back.

 

Her hands fall to the tops of my pants again, and before I slide them off, I remember to pull my wand out of my pocket and whisper a small spell. Then everything falls to the floor in another unceremonious lump, my shirt landing somewhere on top.

 

Now I am definitely wearing fewer clothes than Lily, and she seems to enjoy that for a moment, as she pulls my hand away from her skirt's zipper. Instead, she climbs on top of me, skirt and all, and leans down to kiss me again. 

 

This time, I deliberately kiss the side of her mouth, making my way to her neck, listening with pride as each little moan escapes her. Her breathing is shallow as I wrap my arms around her, her knees pushing into my sides. One hand makes its way back down to her skirt and there's no distraction as I unzip it this time. One of her hands balls into a fist, the other grasping for the edges of my hair. 

 

I don't stop, can't stop, willing myself to hold her here forever, my mouth leaving kisses down her neck to her shoulder, along her collar bone and now, as she leans back a little, down to her breast again. Releasing the fabric I was holding where the zipper ended, I cup her breast, my thumb tracing a circle along her nipple. 

 

As she lets loose another moan, this one a little louder, I arch up to meet her mouth, hungrily tracing my tongue along the bottom of her lip, running it back and forth across the bottom of her teeth when she opens her mouth. 

 

Carefully, trying to make it a smooth motion but failing, I lean her back, her head now at the foot of the bed, her eyes bright and her gaze as desirous as mine must be. I keep my hand cradled around her head and now kiss her slowly, resisting her attempts to quicken it. I feel her shoulders relax, her hands now only limping pressed into my stomach and chest, and I take this moment, when she's totally carefree and relaxed, to tease her skirt down her hips.

 

When the zipper catches on a seam in her underwear, she lifts her hips and, instead of helping me untangle it, she starts to pull them away, her eyes on mine.

 

There is normally not so much space, never enough room to maneuver and actually gaze at each other, let alone the guarantee of time to do more than soak in as much as possible before moving on. But now, I pause as I extract myself from my own underwear. 

 

I see the stretch marks around her hips and sides of her stomach, and I lean down to kiss them, trying to get each one in turn and smile when her fingers curl tightly around the ends of my hair. I run my hand across her stomach, the curve of it just below her hips as it rises upward and slopes back down as it meets her ribs, kissing each place I've touched as I go. The way her breasts flatten slightly like this, falling off to the sides, leaving smooth skin in between, which I purposefully seek out to softly kiss and then give a soft nip with the edges of my teeth. This makes her sigh out my name softly, and I raise my head to look at hers.

 

Before I can react, she's kissing me, her desperation for more leaking through. My mirrored feelings rise up again and I bring my body back up to meet hers, feeling her body mesh with mine as I go down to my forearm, kissing her mouth, face, neck.

 

I slide off to one side and she begins to move with me, but this time, I trace along her inner thighs and she pauses. I watch her face as I carefully move my fingers to the edges of her labia, knowing that this is delicate territory, only slightly explored between us before.

 

When she gives me a slight nod, I press lightly, listening as she gives me short, one-word directions to adjust my hand. When I begin moving my fingers carefully around her clitoris, she gasps more loudly than I expected and I jump. 

 

Laughing, Lily grabs my hand and guides it back, showing me how to trace circles along the wet skin. As she leans back, her eyes close and her breathing slows, coming in short gasps. When it seems she's no longer able to breathe, she surprises me by letting out a long breath and reaching her one hand upward, toward the edge of the bed, and the other out to me. 

 

I thought I was out of ways to be surprised today, but she uses her free hand to slowly pull on the skin of my penis before pushing it back down. Her eyes are still closed, but when I sigh with pleasure, she repeats the motion, slowly again. On my exhale, I almost miss her whispered word.

 

"Faster."

 

Her body seems to still completely, her hand motionless but still wrapped around the tip of my penis, but her eyes are active, moving quickly behind her eyelids. It's only when she starts to breathe in short bursts again that I realize how close she is.

 

It seems as though every muscle in her body has frozen in time, and then she's breathing deeply, her eyes closed but still, and I release my hand. It's only when she opens her eyes that I realize how deeply my hand is starting to hurt. But at that moment, she pulls my hips to her and I forget the pain.

 

It's easier now than before, and I realize the muscles of her vagina are contracting a little, and I lean into the feeling of that. Her hips seem to move of their own accord, her eyes still a little unfocused as we find a slow rhythm together.

 

I lower my torso down to hers, feelings the skin of her breasts press into me, and I kiss her, softly, deeply, with all of the love I have, and the sound that comes from her mouth makes my heart skip a beat. I rush to repeat it, continuing the same pace with my hips and wrapping her mouth back up with mine. When the same deep moan comes from her throat and this time her eyes say closed, I kiss softly under her chin, feeling with my lips where the source of the sound is.

 

Another hum echoes deep in her throat and it's that sound I hear echoing in my head as I orgasm, slowing to a stop and then pulling gently back out of her and on to my side next to her.

 

My fingers find their way to the hair resting on her opposite shoulder, tangling up in the mess and spinning the ends around themselves. My eyes, though, they're glued to hers. 

 

They're soft, slightly rounder than usual, and so bright. Her breathing slowly evens out and she leans across our arms to kiss me, a gentle press of lips together. She rests her forehead against mine, sighing in what can only be deep content. Then, without saying anything, she gets up and heads into the small bathroom attached to our room.

 

In her absence, I stand up to grab us both something to drink, noting the small bottle of pumpkin juice at the back of the butterbeer bottles, and grab myself a chocolate frog and her a cauldron cake. I also adjust the covers and slide under them, my head back on the right side of bed.

 

When she returns, her hair is back up, twisted somehow together to stay off her neck. I never quite understand how she manages that one. As she takes note of what I've done, I drink in her beauty.

 

I've thought she was absolutely lovely for years, but there is no way I could have possibly understood how the pieces I'd seen before came together to create this masterpiece of a woman walking toward me. 

 

As she climbs in to join me, I sneak a quick kiss on the edge of her shoulder. I'd kiss every inch if I could, but right now, knowing that someday, I will, it's enough.

 

Lily takes a drink from her juice and then lies down, watching me but saying nothing. The truth is, I have nothing to say. Nothing that words could do justice to, at any rate. She seems to feel the same, because she finds my hand, squeezes it once, and then settles in to the bed, facing me.

 

I look over at her, her bright hair spread across the pillow, the untidiness of it, her closed eyes, her soft smile, arm draped over her side, the other reaching out toward me, and I know. I know that I will not be able to have a life without her.

 

She must feel my stare, because she opens her eyes and blushes slightly. "What, James?"

 

I pause, not sure exactly what to say. But I think about something she said earlier, and I know.

 

"It's always been you, for me."

 

"Always?"

 

"Always."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Edited 18 March 2018


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